From where I've been, to where I am now.

What is it like to look at yourself in the mirror and not like who you are becoming? I can tell you. Just a little over 12 months ago I was working in an environment where I sacrificed more than just my happiness. I sacrificed who I was and who I wanted to be. It was a gradual slip into the murky waters of compromising my values and undertaking work that no longer filled me with pride and fulfilment. I became the ‘anti-Emmaline.’ A paradoxical version of myself whom co-workers knew to be me, but someone I certainly didn’t recognise. I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin.

It was painful. An out-of-body experience watching myself like Alice in Wonderland freefalling down the rabbit hole into the strange unknown. I didn’t quite know how to get the essence of ‘me’ back, but I knew my path had to change to do so. I was overweight. It wasn’t so much to do with how I looked but was more about how I felt in this body that wasn’t comfortable. I would put on clothes for work and feel an overwhelming sense of sorrow and shame. Despite this, I would eat to cope with how I was feeling; undervalued, unheard and taken advantage of. Trying to find enjoyment amongst the toxic environment I found myself in on a daily basis was found in food. To go to work every day with a sense of dread destroys you. I wasn’t exercising the way my body needed to, because self-loathing and continuing to slowly roll around on the hamster wheel became easier than facing how unhappy I was.

What came next? I plummeted to the bottom of the rabbit hole, landed with a thump and was suddenly leaving my job to take a chance on finding myself. Leaving the uncomfortable yet familiar comfort of the walls I had called my professional home for over three years bubbled into a confusing mixture of emotions. I was terrified, almost paralysed by self-doubt, yet elated and filled with so much hope all at once. I had no more than a mind map of ideas for a business that we thought people really needed and a likeminded, bright-bubbly business partner who knew who I wanted to be.

In the months that followed, Jules and I worked on what we wanted to create. What were we going to stand for and what did we want to be known for? Whilst we were clearly aware that we were going to have to earn money to make our business viable in the long term, it certainly wasn’t at the top of our list when it came to our own success measures. We wanted to create a business built on foundations of genuine care for people. We knew we both thrived when we saw those who we worked with succeeding both personally and professionally. So Mirrored Horizons started to unfold. A name that tied us to our Victorian country heritages, stood for what we practiced and embraced a different way of thinking. Equally as important as one another, the “Mirror” to our name represents embracing all that you are (as an individual or as a business). It’s about allowing every component of yourself to be recognised and harnessed. “Horizons” is about looking to the future, being courageously authentic in your path forward. No two horizons are the same. When you reach your horizon, another one presents itself. It’s the never-ending opportunities that lay ahead of you in abundance.

Creating our name, our brand and our business model started to water a seed. That little seed, although it had tendrils of fear, was at its core, optimism, and excitement. As I slowly started to feel energised by what we were embarking on, change began to flow. I knew that I was getting married in October 2019 so I set myself a fitness goal and began working with a PT. Facing my fears and insecurities within myself through my fitness sessions was a form of therapy for me. Hindsight and reflection were a powerful tool. I was able to put pen to paper and talk about the varied things I allowed and accepted from others that I would never allow again. It began to be so overwhelmingly apparent that I had healing to do when it came to what I had experienced over the last three years.

As the healing began (which was so very supported by Jules), the slow trickle of myself began to return physically, spiritually and emotionally and it was one of the greatest gifts Mirrored Horizons has given me. Our first business pitch? Was pitched to our husbands over dinner. We sat down at the dinner table were Jules and I walked Zach and Mark through our model. There were questions, many questions, and at the end of the dinner, Jules and I exchanged a bunch of excited “that went so well!” texts to each other! We had the support of our two biggest advocates. Their backing filled us with further momentum and confidence in what we were doing and we dug a little deeper!

I will never forget the feeling of when Jules and I delivered our first Personal Alignment Workshop. We knew our content was powerful. We spent hours developing our models to deliver the utmost impact on every single person who attended. So much time went into considering the different learning styles and backgrounds of the people attending. With a stomach full of butterflies, we began. Our workshop finished and we were eager to read our feedback forms. Jumping in the back of a cab Jules began to sift through the papers. We read in silence and it was in that exact moment we knew; we’ve done the right thing. Mirrored Horizons is going to positively impact people’s lives.

Whilst I acknowledge my experience in entering into business ownership has been remarkably positive, there have certainly been moments where I have felt defeated, cried at my computer screen and torn pages in frustration from my journal. The inevitable creeping in of self-doubt has been one of the biggest obstacles I’ve had to face personally. Heading into client meetings and nervously trying to silence the voice in my head telling me “you’re not good enough for this!” is still something I struggle with. With self-doubt, comes the perfect breeding ground for overthinking. Overthinking will undo your best thinking. It creates narratives in your head that lead to false assumptions. These assumptions can throw you off course and leave you feeling beaten. All the while these aren’t founded in anything other than your own conspiracies. You feel foolish when your own false chronicle of events is proven wrong. A complete basket of wasted energy.

Rejection is inevitable. We are perfectly aware that what we are creating isn’t going to be for every person or business, but when you are so incredibly invested in what you’re building, rejection is felt, hard. Trying not to take the “thanks, but no thanks” to heart is near impossible, but like with anything, practice makes it easier. You become so used to taking the hits and the highs all at once. One minute you’re signing a contract with a client and feeling elated, unstoppable and downright proud. The next, you’re fighting back tears as you face strong (constructive) feedback. Those highs will always outweigh the lows. The feeling of accomplishment and empowerment will always dry my tears!

Walking into rooms filled with strangers, for me, it’s likened to the first day of University. Apprehensively searching the room for someone to introduce yourself to and feeling so incredibly exposed. Being an extroverted-introvert and a co-founder of a business has proven to be a difficult juggle. I take my time to process information and I need downtime to be functioning at my best. Jules and I have found that outlining what we need individually to function at our best through utilising our own Mirrored Horizons models has been an imperative part of producing quality work. We’ve managed to work on setting parameters and boundaries for ourselves so that we know how to get the best out of one another.

We show kindness, always. However, being an empath and owning your own business is hard work. Your calling to “help” people often outweighs your business brain and makes you vulnerable to bad decision making. You’re inclined to undervalue your work just so you can help someone. I work on being my empathetic self, whilst having respect for my profession on a daily basis. I have worked hard to create a space that has the perfect harmony between empathy and professionalism and subsequently learned that the two can exist together. Not everyone who walks through our doors needs “saving” and I am slowly learning to understand and support people without throwing all my energy into “fixing” their problems.

It’s important to us that where ever Mirrored Horizons takes us, we never become complacent, we always remain humble and are always open to learning new things. We don’t profess to ever know everything and we too are learning each day.

The reality is, I could continue writing for pages on what Mirrored Horizons has taught me over the last 12 months and no doubt I will continue to experience well into the future. I’m not perfect and I will never profess to be but I am inching closer each day to being the person I want to be and I am proud of that.

If you’ve come this far and are reading these last departing words, I must thank-you for taking the time to read my reflections to date. I can assure everyone that I am no longer wandering around down that rabbit hole, rather I’m walking confidently along a beautiful tree-lined path with the sun shining on my back and Jules reaching her hand out to pull me along when I need it.

We are currently wading through an uncertain time globally and owning a business in this climate has been scary. We’re frightened, but one thing remains constant. We have so much belief in Mirrored Horizons. We know we have something worth fighting for and when you have that, the feeling of “we’re going to make it” is strong. Without the support of those around us, we would have never reached this milestone and to say we are grateful would be an understatement.

Until the next time, I will be continuing to practice what we teach by; embracing who I am, living for purpose and being courageously authentic.

Emmaline.X